Discouragement.

My parents have to say those cruel and discouraging words every single time i want to do something.

Why cant they just give me a life and choose my own path?

When i said i wanted to be a manga artist, i got discouraged.

When i said i wanted to be an 2D animator, i got discouraged.

And now when i said i wanted to be ..., i got discouraged, AGAIN.

How many fucking(sorry) times do i need to get discouraged?

I dont know who and what i want to be anymore in the future, it's so sickening, i just want to slit my wrist.

...YEAHHH, LIKE BEING A BEAUTICIAN IS THE ONLY THING THEY'LL ENCOURAGE. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, HELL NO.

And when i thought parents are suppose to support you, no matter what you want to do or be.

A person like me, who doesnt like dancing, and is now interested, asked my mom that i want to for lessons and she said no. WHAT THE FUCK(sorry) is that suppose to mean?

She said it's too ROUGH for a girl to be dancing( ex. hip hop ) and i wont act like a GIRLY GIRL anymore, WHO CARES?

I expected some interesting results because, a person like me, i was NEVER interested in dancing, EVER, 'till recently, and she just have to say, NO.

And she even DARED said guitar was already rough for me. I kinda asked my mom loudly and said, 'What? Playing the guitar is rough and not meant for girls? You guys are such closed-minded people.'. I know it is wrong for me to act this way but i seriously got frustrated when she said guitar is a BOY thing.

I'm getting so fed up of the idea of playing the guitar anymore, i just wish i can smash all of 'em, i have no future ahead of me now.

And all she could reply after that was,

'You dont have to do anything else, just concentrate on your studies, dont ask for anything more.'

...What?

And so those stuff my relatives said to her, did she forgot?

The ones like, 'She must be interested in this thing, let her keep going.'

When she asked me to sing for my relatives, i sang for them.

AND NOW WHAT DOES SHE SAY? Guitar is already something rough to play with and it's not meant for GIRLS.

URGH, WHY CANT SHE JUST FRIGGIN' BORN ME BEING A GUY, THEN I WOULD'VE STOPPED HEARING THOSE DARN COMPLAINTS ABOUT GIRLS NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS AND THAT.

I am NEVER going to do anything for them that is related to the GUITAR, ANYMORE.

They always, and will ALWAYS disagree with what i want to do.

They want me to be GIRLY, LIKE A FRIGGIN' GIRLY GIRL WEARING FRIGGIN' GIRLY AND FRILLY SKIRTS.

...BLEGH.

I mean what's the difference? I'm still human, just that the differeces of me is that, i've got boobs and guys dont. SO? IS THAT SUCH A BOTHER? IS THAT SUCH A BOTHER FOR ME DOING SOMETHING I WANT TO DO AND YOU THINK IT'S ROUGH, IS THAT IT?

IF IT'S SUCH A BOTHER, WHY NOT JUST CHOP OFF THOSE HUMPS YEAH?

...I just dont like being the girl you want me to, and i dont think i'll ever be the girl who wears skirts or dresses, because i seriously, freakishly HATE THEM. I'm a person who prefers wearing stuff that are more related to GUYS not GIRLS.

WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

I'M 16, AND YET YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I WANT TO DO STUFF THAT IS INTERESTING FOR ME. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COMPARE STUFF? IS IT ALL LABELLED?

THAT I HAVE TO DO THIS SECTION THAT'S MEANT FOR GIRLS AND THE OTHER SECTION IS NOT FOR ME BECAUSE IT'S A 'GUY' SECTION? IT'S NOT A FRIGGIN' CLOTHING STORE.

...You will never ever understand me. NEVER. EVER.

.........

I've got no future anymore, my future is ruined. I am always discouraged in everything that i want to do. My parents has no faith in me, at all, even in studies.

I swear,

I give up.

I'm going to go get a nap, i just wish i could die during the time i nap.

Peace.


P/S: I SUCK at EVERYTHING.

P/S: My parents can be such closed-minded people.

P/S: Why are my friends allowed to do stuff that i cant? Because their parents are cool and open-minded people, that's why, i salute you guys, and i envy you too.