Holding Back the Tears

I practically just ruined a step of my life.

I quitted the band.

Yes, i quitted the band, i admit the leader's really good and all, but i dont deserve to be there, my friends do, they need to show off their talent.

I was really looking forward to it, but something happened, something made me quit the band.

Yes, i admit i'm childish, i have never once grown up. I'm stuck at a level of childishness.

There was never once that things would go like how i wanted it to. It's always been like this.

I've just crushed my own dream, my wish.

At least i was considerate, considerate enough to recruit my friends.

I sometimes dont believe in karma.

Because, you tend to do good things, they never come back to you.

When you do bad things, karma strikes.

Haha, childish now am i?

I can't believe myself really, i thought i've grown, but guess... i have not.

Haha, i've lost everything. Everything.

My dreams, maybe my friends, my trust, my sincerity. Everything.

Hmm, busking in the city isn't so bad now is it? Though i wont earn any money. I just want to sing and play, and make the people around me happy. That's what makes my heart go warm inside. At least i could release the sorrowness inside.

It makes me more like myself if i sing and play, makes me feel like my own world, like in a field where there's wind, blowing only the grass.

I've lost that dream anyway.

Should i depend on my own from now on?

I really did it now didnt i.

I cried again. Did i regret it? Yes indeed i have. Because i'm a child, i've never gotten what i wanted. It's been like this since i was born, why can't i stop crying and just get over with it.

I'm Holding Back the Tears.

Peace.


P/S: My soul is currently empty, it's like im dead. I feel so empty inside, i cant feel any emotions now.